Grumpy Book Grrrl

a writer and reader

Normally I’m all for the crazy shenanigans of the MacHalo group. Heck, I’m normally in the front waving flags and blowing horns. But sometimes my brilliant ideas come back to bite me. Last year I had this fantastic idea to do a smut reading challenge. It wasn’t hard to convince every one of my brilliance. Any excuse to read smut is a great excuse. The problem with my idea occurred when democracy was introduced. But first, I think that I need to share our Official MacHalo 2017 Smut Challenge. (I’m sure some of you will love to participate.)

MacHalo 2017 Smut Challenge

1. Read a Chuck Tingle (or M/M).
2. Read one with a monster/alien/mythological creature.
3. Read one with a stereotype (men in uniform, mafia, MC).
4. Read one with group sex.
5. Read one with “play” or fetish of your choice.
6. Read a taboo one (stepbrother, stepdad, etc.)
7. Read one with a fantasy/turn-on of your choice.
8. Read a dark/horror one.
9. Read one a friend has read or recommended.
10. Read one with stuff you would never do in real life.
11. Read a dom/sub one.
12. Pick a random one.

Can you tell where my brilliant idea went wrong? I was out-voted.

The one crazy bandwagon I could never quite jump on is enjoying the art of Chuck Tingle. I’ll be honest, his titles terrified me and didn’t sound remotely interesting. Surely with such titles as Shared By The Chocolate Milk Cowboys and Seduced By Doctor Bigfoot: Attorney At Large you can understand my hesitancy. I admit, there was a brief moment in time where I almost joined the parade. I mean Chris Hardwick (one of my ultimate celebrity crushes) talked about the awesome Chuck Tingle’s stories on @Midnight. If you are mentioned on a nighttime game show all about popular culture, you are legit. Still something kept holding me back. Now thanks to my brilliant idea, I was going to have no choice. I was going to read my first Chuck Tingle masterpiece.

For my first taste I chose Hard For Hardwick: Pounded In The Butt By The Physical Manifestation Of My Own Handsome Late Night Comedy Show. As I’ve already stated I have a huge crush on Chris Hardwick, so the choice was obvious. At least if I was going to read this, there would be one part that I would enjoy. Seriously, how would you not find this man sexy?

Image result for chris hardwick

Unfortunately, that is where my enjoyment ended. I have NO IDEA what I read, nor how to rate it. It was obviously a spoof. It was obviously meant to be funny. But I just didn’t find it funny. The dialogue reminded me of all of those cheesy Lifetime movies from the 80’s. Or that time I tried to re-watch Silk Stalkings. (I loved that show when it was on. Sadly, it  didn’t withstand the test of time.) I spent most of my time trying to figure out what exactly “a handsome collection of ‘at’ symbols floating around in a swirling mist. Within the haze…every episode, past, present and future, dancing together in smoky blue waves” would look like. Would it really be handsome? I kept picturing something more like this:

Image result for cartoon tornado

Not sexy. The story also relied heavily on the whole insta-lust thing. Which I guess should be forgivable since it is only about 20 pages long. But I just needed something more to believe that my beloved Chris Hardwick would just drop his pants and say “Come and get me big boy”.

Overall, I’m not sold on Chuck Tingle. I most likely will not read another one until I’m forced again. But in the interest of fairness, I do think it was me and not the story. The writing flowed well. So if crazy titles like Pounded in the Butt by My Own Butt or Space Raptor Butt Invasion sound like your cup of tea, read one for me!


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