Grumpy Book Grrrl

a writer and reader

Ha! I’ve got your attention now, don’t I?  I told you last week that we would return full force this Friday with a signature MacHalo special…and I always keep my promises.

Now, we’ve read a lot of weird stuff in the past, especially when it comes to niche erotica. We aren’t scared to go where no sane person has gone before. Well, besides the author, of course (obviously that person has issues—j/k! we love you Fannie Tucker!), but you get what I mean. So when we came across this little story, we knew it was kismet. You know what  it’s like when you have a craving but you just can’t seem to put your finger on what it is but then you walk by a shop and there’s this scrumptious smell wafting out and then it hits you that you need almonds coated in cocoa and espresso powder? Well this is kinda like that. We were craving puppet porn only we didn’t realize it until this story reached out and slapped us in the face with its big, green, three fingered hand.

Let’s get to it then, shall we?

First, meet our sexually deviant kids show host, Dongo.  He loves kids, rhyming, dub-con and bondage.


Say hi everyone.

Next, we have our aspiring young dancer, Emily. She’s in to, well dancing, and apparently she’s REALLY in to puppets. Or rather, a puppet is about to be really in to her.

Hey Emily!

Emily is a classically trained ballerina who is currently a back-up dancer on a kids show just waiting on her big break. After a small costume malfunction and a trip to wardrobe after the show, Emily finds herself alone in the studio wearing nothing but her bra and panties. What’s a girl to do? Put some clothes on? Nah. She’s to perform Swan Lake of course.

Only, Emily is not really alone. Her good pal Dongo is lurking in the shadows and her performance has  him all worked up. Now what’s a giant puppet to do? Not be horny? Nah, silly. He’s going to make Emily his puppet for the night of course.

“Dancer girl, close your eyes! Dongo has a fun surprise!” 

Image result for silly goose meme

This had the benefit of being funny, but funny in that extremely bizarre way that makes you feel a little weird inside. Like “should I be laughing at this because it is pretty terrible?” kind of funny. You know what I’m talking about. Anyway. This living “puppet”, and puppet is very loose description because he’s like this 6-foot tall furry blob with googly eyes and a cavernous mouth who supposedly has strings that hold him up, takes Emily and ties her up using these same strings and tells her she’s going to like it getting oohha-ed in her hoo-ha.

“Uh-hoo! Uh-hoo! The ropes are tight! A puppet friend for me tonight!”

So yeah, we definitely have some dub con with this one, even though after that she’s just like,

“Eh, what the hell? How often do you get the chance to blow a kid’s TV show puppet?”

Too true Emily, too true.

Let me just say Dongo was so texturely unappealing. He is literally covered in shag carpet. Like everywhere, his monster dong included. The whole time reading this all I could think about was matted down fur and how weird that would feel against the tongue, not to mention other body parts. It brings a whole new light to the term “shagging.” Not to mention RUG BURN. Gross and ouch!

Here are some highlights for you:

“You dance like a magical fairy!” Dongo said, then made a clumsy attempt to put himself in attitude en point. “Between those boobs, my face I’ll bury!” (I told you he likes rhyming!)

My thighs tightened against his wide, frumpy hips, and I dug my fingers into the fur of his shoulders as pleasure exploded inside of me.

…I tasted something like candy. I glanced down and saw that Dongo’s spunk glistening in every color of the rainbow. 

There’s nothing like some iridescent splooge that tastes like candy, am I right?

If you think you might want to check it out, here’s the link. All you Kindle Unlimited members are in luck! Most of Ms. Tucker’s books are available with the subscription. And if not? Well, that’s what we’re here for: so you can be entertained by monster smut guilt free.

Until next time, you honorary MacHalo freaks!

Sam Says (1)

Have any ideas or suggestions for our next Freaky Friday post? We’d love to hear from you!

One thought on “Freaky Friday: I F***** the Puppet

  1. Wow….now that’s just….special.


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