So this Freaky Friday is REALLY special.
Do you know why?
I bet you can guess.
Come on. Just try. Do it. Do it. DO IT!
Did you do it? Did you give in to peer pressure and hazard a guess? Yes! Thank you. I knew that would work. So, if you guessed that this Friday is super special because it is the Friday before Halloween, then you are correct my friend!
Ding, ding, ding! Give the reader a prize, Bob!
Kidding. I have no idea who Bob is and I sure don’t have any prizes. Sorry
JT does not look amused. Uh, oh.
Okay, moving on. Where were we? Ah, yes. A special Freaky Friday. Since this is the last Friday before Halloween I wanted to give you guys something truly incredible. I wanted something different, something unique, something totally bizarre. So what did I do? Why I scoured the interwebs (aka Kindle Unlimited because they have a hella monstery smut) looking for the perfect Halloween treat, of course. And wouldn’t you know it? There’s a TON to choose from. So in the pursuit of a balanced variety, and because this needed to be a super Freaky Friday, I chose not one, not two, but THREE titles to delve into for your reading pleasure. And for science of course. Always for science.
Pleasured by the Pumpkin by Callie Snow
“No one decent goes into that place, Miss,” he said. “And if they do, they ain’t decent when they come out.”
Jacinta was born on Halloween so has always had a really strong connection to the holiday. She receives a summons from her elderly distant relative (wtf?) named Dr. Badlove to come to the House of Halloween to meet her fate….
First of all, why in the hell is an elderly distant relative sending her an invite to a monster sex house? Like, how fucked up is that? I hope he’s not hoping to get in on that action, that’s all I’m saying.
Anyway, so Jacinta arrives at the driveway to the house and the cabbie is having none of it. Nuh-uh, no way, no how is he driving up to that den of depravity. But it’s cool, because Jacinta likes depravity. She decides she’s okay with her chances and starts walking up the spooky driveway. The anticipation alone is enough to get her vag juices flowing. In the end, she just can’t keep herself away from herself so decides to take care of business right there in the driveway. And thank goodness for that. Who knows what could have happened between there and the house.
Self love: it’s the key to happiness folks.
By now, Jacinta has arrived at the house and is once again throbbing with want (seriously?). She begins to climb the steps, only to be greeted at the top by a “menacingly sexy jack o’ lantern.” Ooooookay. So, obviously (for science) I googled “sexy jack o’ lantern” just to get an idea of what we were dealing with here. Man, I’d post some of my findings but people get super graphic with these pumpkins. If you don’t take my word for it, google it yourself. People will put penises on ANYTHING.
Anyway, now we have Jacinta on the porch with her sexy jack o’ lantern so you can imagine what’s about to go down now, am I right?
“Give me some of that ass,” he says, and Jacinta is more than compliant. Apparently our pumpkin boy has some mad motor-boating skills, because that’s literally all it takes to give our ever wet and horny Jacinta the best orgasm of her life. And he’s only getting started, folks.
Here are a few of my favorite excerpts:
Its candle flame gave way to pulsating multicolored club lights, and it started singing a surprisingly accurate rendition of “Gangnam Style.” (because he wanted her to be his sexy lady)
“Call me Peter,” he said.
“You’re a pumpkin named Peter?”
“Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater,” the pumpkin replied. “Now lie back and let me should you how I got my name.”
and last, but not least,
She just kept screaming, and humping that pumpkin’s hot smile.
This is supposedly not the last of Jacinta’s sexy Halloween adventures. I mean, she hasn’t even made it into the house yet. Who knows what carnal delights await her there. This was a really silly story and, while it may have been weird sex-wise (I mean, motor-boating…really?), I did chuckle a few times. On to the next one, my fellow freak lover.
ABDL at Halloween by Carmen Quick
Now, if you’re like me, meaning a somewhat sane and rational adult, you may not know what ABDL is. I looked at this cover with a tagline that read “Taboo Forbidden ABDL / Age Play Erotica Box Set” and thought,
“Why the hell not?”
Well, let me tell you what ABDL is and what this set is not.
ABDL is and acronym for Adult Baby Diaper Lover. Yes, adults who like to dress like babies, diapers and all. Eh, I just read a story about a jack o’ lantern who can motor-boat a pussy to completion so why not? This is definitely on the right track for a Freaky Friday Halloween Delight.
Wrong. So wrong.
Um, first off…there’s definitely not a lot of “erotic” going on here.
The first story, Trick or Treat in Diapers, is a lame story about some lame guy who wants to win a lame costume contest so decides to dress up as the season fall (that’s really the best you could do, dude?) which is the lame frosting on the lame cake.
Did I mention it was lame?
Anyhoo, he buys a jumpsuit and realizes he can’t take it off once it’s on because that sucker glues shut. What’s a lame dude to do? That’s right, wear a friggin diaper. At first he’s mildly ashamed but “slowly, the thought of quietly, secretly peeing while I was among people began to excite me.” And somewhere down the line the diaper starts making him feel sexy.
So he glues a whole bunch of leaves and shit to his costume and come Halloween, he is ready to go trick or treating with his girlfriend (who just so happens to be last year’s costume winner.)
In his mind, he is this majestic representation of the fall season, with beautifully cascading leaves and chestnuts, but to everyone else he looks kinda like this guy..
Thinking that there’s no way he’s going to win the costume contest now that he knows everyone thinks his costume is ridiculous, he starts drinking and pissing, filling that diaper up to the brim with no one the wiser.
“…the knowledge that I’d been walking around all night without anyone knowing that I’d been wearing a diaper had me feeling so excited.”
But, lo and behold, he wins the costume contest because his costume was most entertaining (because honestly, what person dresses up as “Fall” for Halloween?) As he walks up on stage to collect his prize, he falls and literally shits himself. Like a loud, stinky shit. The entire party now knows he’s wearing a diaper. His girlfriend dumps him, he never speaks to his friends again, but he does find someone who loves his new baby lifestyle, so I guess that’s a plus, right?
Gah, all of that and there was nothing remotely erotic about it.
The next story, Diapered at Halloween, is about a kid, Bobby, who’s suffered with incontinence his entire life, but especially after his parents die. And scary movies? Forget about it. They make him piss his pants faster than you can say the word, “Boo.” So imagine his chagrin when his bff from next door, Elaine, who also happens to be his secret crush, asks him to take her to see The Exorcist. He couldn’t very well say no, now could he? But how was he supposed to go to see the scary movie with his little problem? What’s an 18 year old with a spastic bladder to do?
Why wear his teenage pull-ups of course, silly.
Now, he may be small everywhere else but he makes sure to let us readers know that his penis is all man, baby. He pulls that pull-up on and it bulges alluring over his crotch. In fact, it begins to arouse him like nothing else has in months. This may be the answer to all of his problems!
But alas, sadly it is not meant to be. You see, this story ends in tragedy.
He makes it to the movie all right, and of course he pisses himself at the first opportunity. I mean, why wouldn’t he?
“I began to relax a little, to sit deeper into my seat, and enjoy the continuing rush of warm, wet liquid, making the padding around my dick nice and warm and wet. It was like sinking deep into a warm bath…” OF HIS OWN URINE.
But then Elaine starts to get a little handsy, with her fingers tiptoeing up his leg toward his now urine filled diaper. He becomes so panicked he has a heart attack and dies right there in the movie theater. I kid you not. That’s where this story goes.
Now Bobby haunts his house as a diaper wearing boy-man-ghost. But there is a upside to this story…he gets to lurk all ghost perv like in Elaine’s room and
“as I watch her, I tenderly rub the padded, soft fabric over my ghost-hard cock, and, if I’m lucky, I’ll even spill a little ectoplasm over her.”
And the last story in this collection is Hannah’s Humiliating Halloween.
I’ll make this one quick.
Hannah has never celebrated Halloween before (because she’s a good Christian) but Halloween happens to be her new boyfriend’s favorite holiday. So, she says, “Fuck it! I’m in!” and lets him pick out a costume for her while she picks a costume for him. Blah, blah, blah, he picks out a baby outfit for her, complete with diaper and teddy. He then makes her crawl everywhere, even house to house for trick or treating, and of course makes her drink his “milk”.
I don’t know if this ends up being just a fucked up Dom/sub deal, but at the of the story she says October 31st is the only day she’s visible. Every other day of the year she fades away from other’s eyes, where she lives basically as a baby and only Corey (her freaky boyfriend) can see her. It’s kinda sad, really.
So, that was the last from the ABDL at Halloween collection. Thank God. Needless to say, this was a kinda weird and pretty non-erotic collection of stories. I did, however, appreciate the lack of true happy endings for them all. At least that made the tales marginally more interesting.
And last, but not least…
Trick or Treat Gender Swap by Candy Banger (classic!)
So apparently, gender swapping is the new “it” thing in this bad erotica genre. In the name of all things scientific, I had to check it out. Turns out, in this case anyway, gender swapping makes it okay for a dude to lust after his best dude friend and still be straight? Is that what’s happening here? I have no idea.
Anyway. The two 18 year old studs are trick or treating and happen upon a house occupied by a mysterious woman with huge tits. Dude 2 (Brad) can’t keep his eyes off her chest, but Dude 1 (Jed) is a little more circumspect and respectful. She offers them her special drink, which has been brewing all day in her cauldron (helloooooo!!!???), but rude Brad says no-way (I’m with ya, Brad) while polite Jed can’t refuse, even though it looks like some kind of toxic brew. Again, from a cauldron.
Jed, being the sucker he is, drinks it down. And to his absolute surprise, not only is it delicious, it also allows him to see the big jugged woman for what she truly is, a succubus witch woman thing. And now he gets to be one too! Hooray! Jed’s body begins the transformation into that of a woman, complete with a killer rack and a super sensitive clit (which is way better than a penis in Jed’s eyes).
“It was like my whole dick has been reduced to the size of a pea, but was just as sensitive. No-more sensitive.”
And now this new and improved Jed needs cock. ASAP. And guess who just so happens to have one of those? Brad! Brad, who has no idea what happened to Jed, but only knows now there is this smoking hot woman wanting to sit on his dick.
So of course he goes for it.
“I enveloped his hot meat with my pussy.”
(lines like that always make me laugh.)
And let’s not forget our other succubus witch demon lady, who I guess Brad can no longer see? Well, now she is sporting a monstrous cock and wants to get in on the action too. So yep, we now have ourselves a 3-way.
“I moaned, and we all came, the three of us; me clutching my pussy, as the unbearable sensations pulsed around my body, Brad’s dick beat into me like a hammer, and the witch’s vile penis sprayed sweet-tasting seed into my mouth.”
And I guess they all lived happily ever after?
I have no idea if Jed gets to remain a woman, or if Brad ever finds out that he just fucked his best friend. And is Jed really a succubus? I thought they killed their lovers, or at least take their energy. I have so many questions!
Of all the titles that I so painstakingly read for your enjoyment readers (not mine, I abhor monster smut erotica trash), this gender swap one was definitely the most erotic. Well erotic in the most literal sense of the word, anyway. The pumpkin one was really silly and the diaper ones were weird and a little sad. All in all, I’d say this venture into Halloween erotica was a bust.
I wanted to find an amazing monsterotica gem in the rough to commemorate this Halloween Edition of Freaky Friday, but I’m just not convinced that I did. It’s got to be out there, somewhere, waiting for me. I’ll keep reading this absurd monster smut, for you guys only of course-not for myself because I’m a sensible adult and sensible adults DO NOT READ this erotic garbage, if you guys keep tuning in. Plus, science.
Have a safe and happy Halloween, y’all!!