Holiday Depression – Hating the Holidays

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Is it just me or do the holidays suck? It’s probably just me. Everyone else seems to love decorating, cooking food, shopping for presents, making delightful crafts, planning family get-togethers, etc. As someone who “puts the mess in domestic,” this spells disaster for me. I hate cooking and I suck at crafts. I do put up decorations because I have a child who I want to be happy at holidays. But I’m crying inside. Okay, perhaps I’m not crying, but certainly grumbling and feeling very crusty about the whole thing.

There’s so much pressure! Everyone at work wants to know what your plans are. Your family wants to know. Your friends want to know. My situation is very unique because I actually have NO FAMILY where I live since I live here only for work. So this is doubly stressful because I’m not doing anything, I want to scream! But actually, I have to find things to do because I have a child who needs to do things during holidays.

Sometimes I really feel like the Grinch. I have no warm, fuzzy feelings about snow or fireplaces or carols or pies or Hallmark Christmas movies.

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But a lot of this is compounded by my anxiety and on/off depression. Thanksgiving and Christmas occurs during the dark time of the year when the sun is down by five p.m. It’s colder. When it snows, guess who has to DRIVE in it? *Waves hand* Me! As a single parent, all responsibilities lay on my shoulders. I survive, but the holidays really bring out all the stressors.

The idea of going shopping on Black Friday is repulsive to me and some people love it! I hate shopping! I really dislike how society is so focused on consuming and buying and getting “all the things.”

Plus, the holidays is the time to highlight how much of a loner I am.

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So I always feel deficient because I’m not social and don’t have the required list of cool things I have done or plan to do. Plus, single mom, don’t have that much money! It just feels like it’s a time of measuring and I always feel like I come up short. This is my own fault, I realize, and goes back to my anxiety.

The textbook response is, it could always be worse, be thankful for what you have, try to be positive, look on the bright side, smile. Haha. Then, on top of it all, you get to see everyone’s perfect life on social media.

I know the bottom line is, there is no right or wrong way to celebrate the holidays. Everyone has a different type of family unit or situation. Not everyone has money to fly to vacation with family or stay in hotels and take a road trip. Not everyone lives in the same town they grew up in where family and friends are plentiful. I know all this in my head and I don’t feel bad when it’s just me thinking. It’s when I have to interact with the rest of the world that my “differentness” becomes apparent.

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I guess the point is, if you feel anything like me, you are not alone. There are a few of us out there who don’t like this time time of year very much. Instead of post-holiday depression, we get pre-holiday depression. The busyness, the crowds, the pressure to cook and be social and chit-chat, shop, the shorter days, etc. etc. stress us out.

So don’t be too hard on us, holiday lovers. We’ll try to answer your questions and deal with your excitement, but allow us not to jump for joy and accept our short, unexciting answers. Don’t judge us and we won’t judge you.

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